Adventures in Anterra

Of Dwarven Bondage and Sparkle Parties

Though it seemed like forever, the lovable scamps of Circus Borealis made their way to the room in which their compatriot was held. Listening at the door revealed a bunch of noise that sounded vaguely dwarvish, mixed with the roar of what seemed to be flames. Sebastian cast Comprehend Languages, allowing him to eavesdrop on the group of dwarves and how they were torn as to what to do with their captive. Some maintained she was a spy sent to, well, spy. Others found her to be a problem even if she wasn’t a spy, since they’d kidnapped her. Illegal stuff and rather embarassing. There was talk of killing her and disposing of her body in the fireplace.

Another scheme inspired by Rube Goldberg was put into play, and Miss Holloway was painted with gold, sparkly paint. She dabbed some booze behind her ears and swished some around in her mouth, then prepared herself to head into the room to distract the morons, er, dwarven engineers within.

As the monkey finished picking the lock, the rest of the party hid in the shadows as the door opened. Miss Holloway entered, teetering into the room and slurring nonsense about looking for her friend and wanting to “party”:

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The dwarves told Miss Holloway to stop, but she jumped on to the table holding the bound Oread and began slapping her playfully, motorboating obviously being the best way to revive unconscious kidnap victims. The dwarves moved to seize Miss Holloway. Our stalwart band of carnival misfits sprang into action,and the cats snuck into the room successfully and began heading to flank.

Thinking they had surprise on their side, Sebastian ineffectually cast grease upon the groggy but now awakened oread. This accomplished nothing positive, actually worsened their overall position quite a lot, but seemed like a good idea at the time…it was the Obamacare of opening gambits!

After this, the door was slammed shut, leaving a perfect pair of tits on one side of the door and Miss Holloway & co. on the other. The Barbarian attempted to batter down the door. Despite all his rage, he proved just a rat in a cage – the door gave not an inch. Sebastian summoned an earth elemental and sent it under the door, where it attacked somebody-or-other Greyshield, an NPC currently acting as a doorstop. A solid hit was rendered (17 pts. Boo yah!) but the doorstop held fast. Several other dwarves moved up and dispatched the elemental.

At this point, Sebastian got his warface on. http://blog.catmoji.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/grumpy-cat.jpeg He dismissed Miss Holloway, leaving several dwarves who’d been grappling her puzzled, disappointed, and empty-handed. He began summoning a squad of earth elemental thugs, which he probably should have done in the first place.

The dwarves began negotiating, but their terms were ass. “Throw us the idol and we’ll think about throwing you the whip…in 5 minutes or so.” To be truthful, our heroes had forgotten that they had met some old dwarf bastard on their way into town who knew one of the dwarf bastards inside the room. The oread even had a pendant from him, and we could have used this to talk our way out. Se le guerre.

4 elementals were summoned and ready. Haste was cast. And then the unthinkable occurred – we found a peaceful solution (Fuckin’ hippies!). Negotiation finally began.

And then…an earthquake struck. Sebastian recovered quickly, sending the elemental squad forth to collect data since they had nothing better to do. The elementals gave rough (1 mile radius, probable epicenter) data leading to a location near the Grotto as the probable origin.
They also reported that there was some kind of involvement with water near the source.

Negotiations then began with the dwarves in earnest, with the party agreeing to not only help solve the mystery of the tremors, which had been increasing in severity and frequency. the dwarves were also worried that people were stealing their tech, so wanted some kind of agreement to guarantee their union shop. Sebastian promised whatever they wanted to hear and went on with life, returning to the Golden Apple for his well-deserved rest.

Based on the reports of the elementals, the Grotto seemed the most likely epicenter of the quake. As such, upon arising, our crack team began scheming, hoping to find a way into the Grotto. Sebastian tried to bluster his way into the mayor’s office, scoring an appointment at 1:30. The oread worked the crowd like Miley Cyrus works any given phone pole. The druid sniffed around the Grotto. The dwarf worked at the forge and stayed surly (why is he here, again?).

Sebastian encountered one Morna Dornnt, a hot, rich cougar (rumored to be affiliated with the West Coast Trading Company) who dug his young, virile form. He arranged to meat her at the Grotto at 7:30. He moved on to lunch at the Blue Falls, having been informed the mayor was dining there.

The Blue Falls restaurant is a half-elf owned restaurant specializing in vegetarian cuisine (again with the goddammed hippies!). They’re located next to a waterfall and provide a spectaular view. A 2gp bribe encouraged the maitre d to “find” a table, so the Oread, Sebastian and Miss Holloway enjoyed lunch and eavesdropped on the mayor and the sheriff discussing town matters. They seemed concerned about the viscount and his overly large number of servants as well as some deaths in the local hot springs. The game certainly seemed afoot!

After lunch, Sebastian met the mayor, convincing him to let them investigate the matters of the tremors. He seemed most interested in putting on a festival featuring lightning elementals, and very interested in what was concealed betwixt Miss Holloway’s thighs. Sins were sensed, bargains were struck, and Sebastian was now a sponsored member of the Grotto club. Oh, the tangled webs we weave…

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